3 Reasons Why You Don’t Trust Yourself Around Chocolate
It’s smooth, rich, and oh-so-tempting – chocolate has a way of captivating our senses and stirring our cravings like no other. Just the thought of its smooth texture and rich flavour can send our taste buds into a frenzy of anticipation. But as you reach for it, a nagging voice whispers: "Are you sure you should be eating that?”
For many women I chat to, chocolate stands as the ultimate test of self-trust. It's the food they struggle to resist, the temptation they battle against, and the source of endless guilt and frustration. Some may even label it as their "binge food" or say they feel "addicted".
It’s a struggle that goes beyond cravings; it’s a fight of trust - trust in yourself and your ability to enjoy chocolate without spiralling into a binge and guilt.
Let’s explore reasons why chocolate has you feeling this way…
Reason 1: You Label Chocolate as “Bad”
Whether you call it “bad”, “unhealthy”, “naughty”, “sin” or even a “treat”, these labels we assign to chocolate can wield significant power over our perceptions and behaviours. Or you might choose to eat dark chocolate over the creamy milk chocolate you enjoy because it's “better for you”.
By associating chocolate with negative definitions, you can internalise these judgments, believing that you are “bad” for eating it. You end up blaming yourself for a lack of control and say you are not able to trust yourself around chocolate.
Leading to spiralling thoughts of guilt, shame and mistrust that undermine your ability to enjoy that chocolate or the moment you are in.
Reason 2: Avoidance Leads to Loss of Control
In a world where dieting reigns and there are so many food labels and rules around, chocolate often finds itself relegated to the list of “forbidden foods”. If you’ve been on any type of diet, chances are chocolate is a no-go. It’s deemed too indulgent, too tempting, and too “dangerous” for you to be trusted around.
But here’s the irony: the more you try so hard to avoid chocolate, it can spark something in your brain where you just can’t stop thinking about chocolate. The more you resist the temptation of eating it, the more likely it ends with binge eating.
Reason 3: Chocolate is an Emotional Comfort
For many people, chocolate is a source of comfort, joy and calm after a stressful or hard day. However, despite its undeniable ability to provide emotional support chocolate - and comfort eating in general - often carries a stigma in our society. We’re told that turning to food for comfort is a sign of weakness, a lack of self-control, or even a moral failing.
But this could not be further from the truth. Comfort eating is a natural, human response to stress and adversity. If chocolate is your only tool in your toolbox for calming, then this is when it can feel like you can’t trust yourself.
That's why I always help my clients put together a “self-soothe list”. This is a list of activities that bring you joy and some headspace after a long or difficult day. Activities might include drawing, reading, phoning friends, lighting candles, or having a cold shower and applying some nice-smelling body lotion. I always encourage some food-related activity on this list which might be a warm hot chocolate before bed, or enjoying a few squares after dinner.
How to Build Your Trust with Chocolate
Get rid of the labels:
To break free from shame and judgement around eating chocolate means getting rid of any type of label you might have around chocolate. Rather than labelling it as “bad”, try calling it what it is. For example: “chocolate”, “food” “dessert” or “snack”.
By ditching the judgement labels that we have learned from dieting, you’re starting to heal your relationship with food and, with time, the pull you have toward them will lessen.
Train your Brain:
Dieting has taught us to restrict chocolate and “avoid buying it” to reduce temptation. But we know that just makes us want it more. We want to move away from avoiding chocolate towards having the skills to keep chocolate in the house without us even thinking about it.
The way you can do that is to challenge your current thoughts (or as I call it “the inner food critic”) whenever you question yourself if you “should” have it by simply having it. Challenging those thoughts will mean that, over time, they’ll reduce and then disappear - no more self-judging!
Another way is affirming the fact that you can have chocolate whenever you want - because in reality, you can. Dieting has given us a list of “shoulds” and “shouldn'ts” which impact our ability to listen to our body. But to trust yourself around food, you need to learn that there is no restriction when it comes to chocolate. This will mean that you will
Have Curiosity about Your Cravings:
Do you always crave chocolate? Dieting has taught us that this is “bad” and “your fault”. When instead you want to move towards accepting it and being curious about why those cravings have shown up for you in that particular moment.
With my clients, I teach them the HALT approach when it comes to supporting them to reflect on their day and understanding why they might be having specific cravings. This HALT means:
Am I…
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
If you are hungry, maybe you have had a busy day and you skipped a meal or it has been longer than 4 hours since you last eaten. Instead of turning to chocolate alone, it might be a sign that your body is craving a satisfying meal or snack which might include chocolate and other nutritious foods that feel good.
If you are angry, maybe you have had a stressful or hard day. Instead of turning to chocolate, try walking or doing something that can bring you some headspace. I either like to watch something wholesome like Queer Eye (where I end up crying) or scream into a pillow, depending on my mood.
If you are feeling lonely, maybe you’ve moved to a new city, gone through a breakup, or grieving a loss. Turning to food if you’re feeling this way can drive you further into isolation and unhappiness. Instead, try and call a friend or family member or you could look at local or online groups/communities where you can meet new people.
Feeling tired after a rubbish night's sleep? This can make cravings for specific foods like chocolate more intense. If this happens, this is telling you your body needs sleep instead of food. Establish a bedtime routine and stick with it to improve your quality or quantity of sleep.
Pair your Chocolate:
It can feel quite easy to start eating chocolate and not stop before it's all gone. This has nothing to do with your willpower or control. It has more to do with that we don’t get that satisfied feeling with chocolate and we get a dopamine boost which just makes us want more. So try combining chocolate with other food groups like nuts, fruits or even cheese. That way you are increasing the nutritional content but also increasing the satisfaction your body gets from it.
Building trust with chocolate isn’t about imposing restrictions or depriving yourself of pleasure.
Instead, it’s about embracing the mindset of curiosity, compassion and openness so you can begin to unravel the complexity of thoughts and emotions that surround it.
Challenging the food labels, being curious about why you are craving (without judgement!) and accepting that including chocolate in your food choices regularly will eventually help you to feel more in control.
If you are ready to break the cycle of dieting and binge eating so you can make peace with food. Check out my free 60-minute masterclass where I give you all my top tips on how to end this cycle.
